Remembering a life, not a day

My mom passed away seven years ago today.   It was a tremendously sad day, and yet I don't mind remembering it.  Perhaps a better way to explain it is that I like remembering her, so I don't mind remembering this day.

I love this photo of her.  So pretty!

I think about her every day.  Literally- every day.  When I look at Lucy, I think of her.  Luce makes this face, where she sort of scrunches up her eyes and brow as if to say in a slightly skeptical tone, "Hmm, really?" It really reminds me of that face my mom used to make.  It's just another reminder that my mom lives on, not only in me and all of us who knew her, but also in Lucy.  This makes me so happy...and also kind of sad.

It makes me sad that she isn't here to see what my life has become.  That she wasn't able to be at my wedding.  That Brian never had a chance to know her, and to know that part of where I come from, to experience her kindness and her sense of humor.  That Lucy will also never get to experience these things first hand, or have her grandma in her life.  That I'm not able to ask her questions about what it was like when she was a new mom.  That she's not able to tell me stories about what I used to do when I was Lucy's age.  You know, stuff only your mom knows and remembers.  Mom stuff.  I am incredibly envious of every other mom I know who are lucky enough to have their moms as this resource.

But, I am also okay, because I really do wonder whether all these amazing things that have come into my life since she's been gone would be possible without her help.  Say what you will, but I really do believe she has something to do with it.  I recently watched an interview with Sandra Bullock after won her Academy Award.  She talked about how she wished her deceased mom was here, but also knows that the good things in her life are possible because she is "up there" (helping to guide and bring these things to her life).  It's the first time I'd ever heard of anyone else describe the feeling I have about my mom.  It goes without saying that I would much rather have her here, with us, in the flesh.  You have no idea.  But not only do I believe I have her to thank for what my life has become, I also believe she knows what's going on.  I know she is around us.

Which is why I don't mind this day.  I think about her everyday anyway and I feel like she is with me everyday, so to remember this day isn't overly sad for me.  It is an anniversary- that's just a fact.

My mom left me with a lot of her wonderful qualities, including strength I never knew I had and an ability to always see the positive side of any situation.  So that's what I choose to do.  Instead of looking at today as a really sad day, I choose to use it as just another opportunity to remember her and her life, not just the day she passed away.  To commemorate her life, and her legacy.